New year seems to be perfect for new (or old) resolutions. I decided to smash my fear. What are your resolutions?
Happy New Fear!
I don’t know why people wait until the beginning of new year with resolutions. I believe there is no perfect time, but when you finally decide to do it, do it now! Easier said than to be done. I felt hyper at the beginning, but the fear struck me again and it took me 2 months to post my before photos!
I decided a (little while ago) to fight my fear. I don’t know where it came from, but over the past years I became a pretty scared person. I tend to hide in my shell deeper and the insecurity grew and grew.
I believe it has to do with my unssuccesful weight loss, feeling uncofortable in my own skin. It became a vicious circle; gaining weight, feeling ugly, not accomplishing my goals, sucked at my jobs, having low self-esteem, acne, finally started working out and quitting after a month with no result which got me even more depressed.
There is no one to blame for my unsuccess but me. The fear I am having – it is me. It is all in my head. No one else is stopping me from doing what I desire to do, only me. My fear of failure! This fear stops me from taking an action.
No action = no failure. And here is the result – avoiding life and procrastinating.
Because I failed in pretty much all aspects, every another unssucces was beating me harder than the previous. And it were no such big deals, but I felt totally miserable. One of the example: I wasn’t able to fill some tables in company’s software. I was being explained how to do it once by my very busy manager and a month later I was supposed to do it myself. I tried, but I was unable to complete it, so I needed to bother him to help me with it. I felt like a crap.
photo credit: Isaac Viglione
I am pretty sure if you are scared as shit you know it. Just in case, here are some general signs (by Guy Winch).
10 signs that you might have a fear of failure
1. Failing makes you worry about what other people think about you.
2. Failing makes you worry about your ability to pursue the future you desire.
3. Failing makes you worry that people will lose interest in you.
4. Failing makes you worry about how smart or capable you are.
5. Failing makes you worry about disappointing people whose opinion you value.
6. You tend to tell people beforehand that you don’t expect to succeed in order to lower their expectations.
7. Once you fail at something, you have trouble imagining what you could have done differently to succeed.
8. You often get last-minute headaches, stomach aches, or other physical symptoms that prevent you from completing your preparation.
9. You often get distracted by tasks that prevent you from completing your preparation which, in hindsight, were not as urgent as they seemed at the time.
10. You tend to procrastinate and „run out of time“ to complete you preparation adequately.
OK, it is obvious that you have fear of failure. What to do know? At some point you need to take that action and do something against it. I can guess what. You are scared! But you can start with small steps, so you don’t panic (so much). The worst thing at fear is, it starts pretty inconspicuously and it grows in you until you are doubting yourself at everything.
photo credit: Zara Walker
What can you do to win over the fear?
Admit to yourself you are scared and analyse what and why scares you. When did it start?
Failure. What now?
Imagine what happens when you fail at your task. Is that really the end of the world? Is that really that bad? Have a plan B, so you don’t freak out if plan A goes south.
Listen to your inner voice. The way you talk to yourself. It is not very encouraging, is it? Stop underestimating yourself, be kind and supportive. Motivation from the inside is just as important as motivation from the outside ( I use my motivation calendar with favourite quotes).
I failed. So what?
This is probably the most difficult for me. Accept it happened and let it go. I absolutely believe the failure is inevitable part of success. If you avoid failing, you avoid success.
Let’s be honest. Where was the last time you succeeded at something?
These are good starting points to conquer your fears. I am working on it, too.
Together we are stronger! If you found yourself in this article, I am here to support you.
Let me know what are your commitments?
Featured Photo: James Sutton